Friday, December 31, 2010
Happy New Year btw.
How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are somethings that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold. -The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, one of my favorite Movie Quotes
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Jesus Christ returns to Earth – punches Pope in face, leaves again
I was using Stumbleupon when I was back in Cali visiting my family for Christmas, and It took me to a most delightful, but slightly vulgur as a caution to those sensitive to that, satire about Jesus Christ punching the Pope in the face :p I got it from http://www.williamkwolfrum.com/2009/03/18/jesus-christ-returns-to-earth-punches-pope-in-face-leaves-again/ just so I don't get sued for plaigerism or something of that sort.
"Jesus Christ – a leading figure in modern Christianity – returned to Earth today after a nearly 2,000-year hiatus. The Second Coming was cut short, however, as Christ, 37, went directly to the Vatican and punched Pope Benedict XVI square in the mouth. Jesus then ascended back to heaven.
While a bloodied Benedict had no comment, Christ put out a press release shortly before his ascension.
“My children, it is not my time yet,” read the statement in part. “But someone had to give that A-hole a good face punching, and the buck stops here.”
According to reports, Christ delivered a vicious right cross to the Pontiff’s mouth, healed him, then punched him again and left without saying a word. In his press release, Christ made it clear he was not happy with the leader of the Catholic Church.
“Ok, I’m sorry for the language, but this prick is running around hugging Holocaust deniers and telling people in AIDS-ravaged nations that condoms hurt in the fight against HIV. And this dickhead is supposed to be speaking for me?”
Reaction from the Christian community was quick, but quickly quelled in divine fashion. Saddleback Church Pastor Rick Warren was the first – and only – religious leader to speak out.
“This is not the Christ I worship,” said Warren. “This is a Christ who refuses to damn homosexuals and obviously refuses to turn the other cheek.”
Warren was quickly rebuked in the form of a lightning strike and locust attack. Those near Warren at the time said they could clearly hear a voice ringing out from the heavens, which stated “Drive this purpose, Bitch.”
Christ gave no word on when the true Second Coming would take place, but stated that if humanity continues down its current path, it could be quite some time.
“This fuckneck walks around in his mansion wearing ridiculous outfits,” wrote an apparently peeved Savior. “And then he has the nerve to judge others? This is just ridiculous.”
While Christ saved most his venom for the Pope and the Catholic Church, he also chastised Catholics and Christians around the globe.
“Did no one see the memo about worshiping false gods,” the statement read. “Seriously, people are freaking dying of hunger and you people are worshiping this clown? And what’s the deal with saying so many prayers to my Mom? She’s great and all, but I’m a fucking God, people. Hellloo???”
Hours after Jesus’s second career ascension to heaven, the Vatican released a short statement of its own, telling followers that “we need your tithing now more than ever.”
–WKW"
"Jesus Christ – a leading figure in modern Christianity – returned to Earth today after a nearly 2,000-year hiatus. The Second Coming was cut short, however, as Christ, 37, went directly to the Vatican and punched Pope Benedict XVI square in the mouth. Jesus then ascended back to heaven.
While a bloodied Benedict had no comment, Christ put out a press release shortly before his ascension.
“My children, it is not my time yet,” read the statement in part. “But someone had to give that A-hole a good face punching, and the buck stops here.”
According to reports, Christ delivered a vicious right cross to the Pontiff’s mouth, healed him, then punched him again and left without saying a word. In his press release, Christ made it clear he was not happy with the leader of the Catholic Church.
“Ok, I’m sorry for the language, but this prick is running around hugging Holocaust deniers and telling people in AIDS-ravaged nations that condoms hurt in the fight against HIV. And this dickhead is supposed to be speaking for me?”
Reaction from the Christian community was quick, but quickly quelled in divine fashion. Saddleback Church Pastor Rick Warren was the first – and only – religious leader to speak out.
“This is not the Christ I worship,” said Warren. “This is a Christ who refuses to damn homosexuals and obviously refuses to turn the other cheek.”
Warren was quickly rebuked in the form of a lightning strike and locust attack. Those near Warren at the time said they could clearly hear a voice ringing out from the heavens, which stated “Drive this purpose, Bitch.”
Christ gave no word on when the true Second Coming would take place, but stated that if humanity continues down its current path, it could be quite some time.
“This fuckneck walks around in his mansion wearing ridiculous outfits,” wrote an apparently peeved Savior. “And then he has the nerve to judge others? This is just ridiculous.”
While Christ saved most his venom for the Pope and the Catholic Church, he also chastised Catholics and Christians around the globe.
“Did no one see the memo about worshiping false gods,” the statement read. “Seriously, people are freaking dying of hunger and you people are worshiping this clown? And what’s the deal with saying so many prayers to my Mom? She’s great and all, but I’m a fucking God, people. Hellloo???”
Hours after Jesus’s second career ascension to heaven, the Vatican released a short statement of its own, telling followers that “we need your tithing now more than ever.”
–WKW"
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, is not what you think...
I was pondering the Idea of Guy Fawkes and how everyone seems to consider him an anarchist or something like that. How he was going to end the oppressive rule of Parliament and free the people or some stupid misconception like that. And I also began to consider how popular culture has made him some sort of metaphoric banner to rally behind masks of when they don't like the government or they are doing something stupid. Guy, or Guido (But that name doesn't sound cool enough so everyone ignores it) Fawkes was Catholic, and didn't like a Protestant King on the throne. This still sounds all fine and dandy, but after he blew up the King and Parliament he wasn't going to make everyone happy communists or whatever stupid ideas people like Anonymous have, He was going to install a Catholic king, and Parliament, who would be either more or equally oppressive as the previous Monarchy. As it states here "He was to light the fuse and then escape across the Thames. Simultaneously, a revolt in the Midlands would help to ensure the capture of Princess Elizabeth. Acts of regicide were frowned upon, and Fawkes would therefore head to the continent, where he would explain to the Catholic powers his holy duty to kill the King and his retinue." Huzzah for Guy Fawkes, a true champion of the rights of the people. So carry on wearing Guy Fawkes masks and all that, unless you don't support Totalitarianism, which is, I assume, what you were trying to not support in the first place. Oh and Guy Fawkes wasn't even British, he was a psycho-catholic Flemish Mercenary.
Glad to destroy your stupid Misconceptions,
Gregory Rose, the History Major
Glad to destroy your stupid Misconceptions,
Gregory Rose, the History Major
Sunday, December 26, 2010
The Harry Potter Movie Challenge!
So here are a few things you need to know about this Harry Potter challenge if you would like to participate:
The Movies and Schedule:
1. January 1-31: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
2. February 1-28: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
3. March 1-31: Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban
4. April 1-30: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
5. May 1-31: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6. June 1-30: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
7. July 1-31: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
8. July 1-31: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (In Theaters)
Read more: Harry Potter 2011 Movie Challenge http://www.daemonsmovies.com/2010/12/14/harry-potter-2011-movie-challenge/#ixzz19HrsFccj
The Movies and Schedule:
1. January 1-31: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
2. February 1-28: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
3. March 1-31: Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban
4. April 1-30: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
5. May 1-31: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6. June 1-30: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
7. July 1-31: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
8. July 1-31: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (In Theaters)
Read more: Harry Potter 2011 Movie Challenge http://www.daemonsmovies.com/2010/12/14/harry-potter-2011-movie-challenge/#ixzz19HrsFccj
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)